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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the safe haven for daily publications, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and milestones, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to learn that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to use the facilities during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|